We all have times in our lives when we feel lost. I love the song by Cold Play, “Lost?” He thinks of all kinds of reasons to justify why he isn’t, what he seems to be… alone, or lost… or hurt. Isn’t that what we all do? I remember one thing I heard years ago– “You can’t separate yourself, and who you are… from what you do.” So so true. Although wouldn’t we love so, to DO things one way… but BE, something else… entirely.
We all have moments, or hours or days… some of us months and years… of losing sight of who we are, and what’s important. I was myself in a place of some confusion about my life… not long ago. And it led me to a place I have never been, and hope to never go again. I found myself in this place, eternally… because I had absolutely no desire to leave it, at all. I didn’t want to feel hopeless, and yet there I sat… hopeless; and can I just tell you how hopelessness is without a doubt one of the worst feelings in the world? I could look at myself, and know it wasn’t right… but I couldn’t help myself, and I had friends that would do anything for me… but I would reject them and dismiss their concerns. I can remember moments when I would feel a glimmer of emotion, which I hadn’t shown in months. It felt good… and reminded me that I was human, and I still did care. I described these moments as bread crumbs… tiny little fragments of hope, that can lead the lost… home.
Although I was raised in church, and am a poet and inspirational writer– and have always been faithful, and often heard the voice of God and certainly seen His hand in my life… my rebellious nature didn’t seem to befit the style of “church home” I found when we moved here a few years ago. That’s a story for another day… let’s just say we hadn’t been to church, in a long LONG time… And then, we went. I was taken somewhat by force (not really)… not physically anyway… but let’s just say, I didn’t really want to go. So what happened? Well of course… the sermon… was written for me
“There is no place you can go, and hide from God…” and if THAT wasn’t enough… he went on to say … “and that’s a good thing!” I thought of where I was at that moment, and where I had been… and for the first time in a long time… I probably gave ample thought, to where I was going. And so I reflected for a moment, on the idea of bread crumbs…
We hide from God, unconsciously… out of depression, confusion…shame…
I began to wonder why I myself, had hidden from God– and why my heart had become so very hardened and calloused to those who love me the most, including Him. Out of anger, I left God. Out of confusion I ran from God– out of depression, I hid from God.
And one day, I plucked a bread crumb from the ground– the tiniest morsel… nothing really, maybe a smile, or a few words of familiar reason or wisdom… that represented to me, a place in my life, or a conviction in my mind… that I once knew.
And as I crept out of hiding to procure the next potential proverbial crumb, I saw the sun peek through the darkness, and I felt for just one brief moment… the sun. I felt the warmth of that light– and I went back. But there was a day when I came out for that crumb… and I stayed… a little longer, in the company and fellowship… of a dear friend who had known me my whole life. And with the look, and a few simple words… she broke me, my harsh spirit and calloused heart…
And so it was, with only a bread crumb, I was saved from darkness– this time.
And the thought occurred to me now, how many times I might have seen a friend headed somewhere, and not recognized he was headed to a dark place. I wondered if ever I had been a bread crumb– and then I shutter at the thought I had once the chance to be… and didn’t lend myself to that cause.
I didn’t know it– but all that time, I truly was in hiding from the Lord. And it took the smallest thing–to bring pieces of me back. But so very many crumbs were dropped before me, and rejected…
I imagine if that friend had given up on me–and that one day, she’d have grown weary of my struggle, and not have been there…
I stand here before you, in the light…
Happy, forgiven restored… and grateful.
Thank you God, for the littlest things in life that we too often take for granted… and bless the bread crumbs, that to the naked eye are nothing more than harmless morsels of… something, anything, nothing–
They lead us home.
We all have moments, or hours or days… some of us months and years… of losing sight of who we are, and what’s important. I was myself in a place of some confusion about my life… not long ago. And it led me to a place I have never been, and hope to never go again. I found myself in this place, eternally… because I had absolutely no desire to leave it, at all. I didn’t want to feel hopeless, and yet there I sat… hopeless; and can I just tell you how hopelessness is without a doubt one of the worst feelings in the world? I could look at myself, and know it wasn’t right… but I couldn’t help myself, and I had friends that would do anything for me… but I would reject them and dismiss their concerns. I can remember moments when I would feel a glimmer of emotion, which I hadn’t shown in months. It felt good… and reminded me that I was human, and I still did care. I described these moments as bread crumbs… tiny little fragments of hope, that can lead the lost… home.
Although I was raised in church, and am a poet and inspirational writer– and have always been faithful, and often heard the voice of God and certainly seen His hand in my life… my rebellious nature didn’t seem to befit the style of “church home” I found when we moved here a few years ago. That’s a story for another day… let’s just say we hadn’t been to church, in a long LONG time… And then, we went. I was taken somewhat by force (not really)… not physically anyway… but let’s just say, I didn’t really want to go. So what happened? Well of course… the sermon… was written for me
“There is no place you can go, and hide from God…” and if THAT wasn’t enough… he went on to say … “and that’s a good thing!” I thought of where I was at that moment, and where I had been… and for the first time in a long time… I probably gave ample thought, to where I was going. And so I reflected for a moment, on the idea of bread crumbs…
We hide from God, unconsciously… out of depression, confusion…shame…
I began to wonder why I myself, had hidden from God– and why my heart had become so very hardened and calloused to those who love me the most, including Him. Out of anger, I left God. Out of confusion I ran from God– out of depression, I hid from God.
And one day, I plucked a bread crumb from the ground– the tiniest morsel… nothing really, maybe a smile, or a few words of familiar reason or wisdom… that represented to me, a place in my life, or a conviction in my mind… that I once knew.
And as I crept out of hiding to procure the next potential proverbial crumb, I saw the sun peek through the darkness, and I felt for just one brief moment… the sun. I felt the warmth of that light– and I went back. But there was a day when I came out for that crumb… and I stayed… a little longer, in the company and fellowship… of a dear friend who had known me my whole life. And with the look, and a few simple words… she broke me, my harsh spirit and calloused heart…
And so it was, with only a bread crumb, I was saved from darkness– this time.
And the thought occurred to me now, how many times I might have seen a friend headed somewhere, and not recognized he was headed to a dark place. I wondered if ever I had been a bread crumb– and then I shutter at the thought I had once the chance to be… and didn’t lend myself to that cause.
I didn’t know it– but all that time, I truly was in hiding from the Lord. And it took the smallest thing–to bring pieces of me back. But so very many crumbs were dropped before me, and rejected…
I imagine if that friend had given up on me–and that one day, she’d have grown weary of my struggle, and not have been there…
I stand here before you, in the light…
Happy, forgiven restored… and grateful.
Thank you God, for the littlest things in life that we too often take for granted… and bless the bread crumbs, that to the naked eye are nothing more than harmless morsels of… something, anything, nothing–
They lead us home.
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