"Sing to me beautiful, crazy world...the song of hope"

Here I sit perched high atop the world, in my thoughts. The water flows, the trees sway, and the clouds drift... aimlessly amid the heavens, as I await... what, I wonder-- might be the next great thing. For so many now, of my life's greats, seem dwarfed by the realization of my heart's fate. I have lived, and loved and lost-- And the greatest of these, sadly is what I have lost-- time, life, experiences, hopes, dreams, awakenings, inspiration, meaning... MEANING--the meaning of love, and life, and hope.

The dark cloak of ignorance has been ripped from my eyes, and the naive cloud of acceptance which once stood solid and rigid, has become dust that settles about me, where I exist in disbelief of my new found knowledge. I watch the cars drive below, and a man on a bike, as we take our breakfast on a tiny balcony in the sky on this, my new day--a dawning of destiny. A beautiful sunny morning, with just a bit of haze and a light breeze accompany my palette, as my life paints a vivid dream of what can now be... and my eyes well with tears as fate whispers to my ears-- "it has begun"--purpose, life... MY life...my soul fills with awe.

"I am sorry" I spoke in silence to my heart--that I had for so long believed in a piece of a thoughtful promise, and in the world--that failed me as the betrayal of a dear friend.
"Whisper!" I said to the song in my soul that grew louder and louder, as I felt a moment of passing guilt, for finding solace in my joy, while my discovery has and continues to cause others much grief.

I have left my life, my security, the version of happiness that I knew, and found favor with--and traded for judgment by those who loved me and those whom I loved, uncertainty, unfamiliarity... and abandoned reason for passion...

For the first time in my life, I struggle for certainty of life, but not love...
For the first time in my life, I truly worry about necessity, but not desire...
For the first time in my life, I KNOW LESS... than I do NOT KNOW...
and I have never been more sure, of anything in the world.

There are moments I hear the voice of reason and ponder the thought, if innocence although ignorance, wasn't a better option-- a life of being taken care of--in a place where things made sense. But I chose so late, a life of being cared for, and an age of uncertainty-- but with one important factor-- There would be only one certainty, but it would be that of MY choosing: that I would be free.

So sings my soul--the song of freedom. The joy and liberation of being me, is fresh on my lips and dripping from the places in my life now, where I have been and continue to choose to be. With my hands I touch the things that belong truly to me--that I care for and love. With my arms I hold them close, as if the very last memory of my life, being stolen from thought.

Sing to me, beautiful, crazy world-- the song of hope... that I do not know the future, but I do know my hopes for it, and the reality that I myself cling to each day the option of embracing or rejecting... anything I choose. So plays the song, of love and life and hope.
Play on, louder and louder... sweet, beautiful melody...
as I listen, and we dance.